lobster

trapped here

trying to claw my way out

like a lobster being boiled alive

His claws scraping the sides of the pot

as the water burns in searing pain

i am helpless

missing a New Him

missing a New Him like i left This One
in the dust in america on his own but
i'm still here and so is New Him
waiting for me with arms stretched out
"come home"

im trying not to screw it up
and im trying to be my best

be sweet dont say anything strong
nurture The Angel of The House
for she is who you need to be

for she knows how to act
learn from her
dont kill her just yet
just wait a few more months

say he's sweet even when you dont
want to
push your intincts away

careful.

but dont worry.

any way you do it will be wrong

running away

drinking a spritz (or two)
in a little Italian cafe

munching on some
pizza margherita

i'm thinking of you

dancing to music (i dont
understand) in a Barcelona club

the strobe lights make me
feel like i'm not human

life is only real with you.


i thought i could run away
from you if i traveled here

but it seems as if you have
fled with me

and even foreign places
contain your familiar memory.

bad meat

not necessarily
bad meat
just meat
that does what
it is supposed
to do
but is not
good meat for me

meat that walks
me to my car
and opens the door
for me
and kisses me
without overstepping
any boundaries

meat that is a
gentleman and
treats me with respect
and does not
expect me to
owe anything

meat that makes me
feel suffocated already
by repeatedly
calling me beautiful
and looking me
in my eyes
directly and passionately
like i have a spotlight
blazing on me and
there's no place
to hide
is it hot in here?

meat that has baggage
that is too heavy for me
and i cant find a way to
get it off me and it feels
heavier and heavier
every time i look at it

meat that might be
too old but i dont know
for sure but i am
feeling a little sick
from it
then again sometimes
my stomach feels queezy
for no reason at all

meat that calls me dear
and says "i'll wait for you"
like it is simple and natural
and the obvious thing to do
...like i am worth the wait...?
that's new.

meat that understands when
i cant be meat with the meat
and responds with...
"I enjoyed your company"
and
"I'll be here when you get back
if things change."
and it feels so nice
and i feel such relief
and i feel glad and lucky
to know this bad meat

Bad Dates

Dissapointed
Feeling hopeless
and lost

Thinking about
Old Him
which sabotages
every date with
a New Him

I do not know
Again