Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Give Up On Me

Can you please just give up on me?
Because I'm giving up on everything.
I need to take a nice long break,
So my heart can eliminate this ache.
Everything has just been so wrong,
I need more time to become strong.
So you can give up on me just for now
As I give up for as long as my heart allows.

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

You're Something

You broke so many of my rules. You reached hardly any of my high standards. You were unmotivated, you weren't anybody I was looking for, you just seemed silly. But you were also charming, you were an individual, you were unexpected. It was a breath of fresh air. I thought of you as strange when you first started pursuing me, comical even. Your face would light up any time our eyes met. I wasn't expecting anything real from you. But you thought I was funny. You liked when I acted less than nice and pleasant. You liked me when I was myself. And I liked you more than I thought I ever would.
It's sad how attracted we were to each other because we ended up here, like this. Our end was so uneventful and non-extraordinary when we were anything but. I wasn't planning on you; I certainly didn't see you coming but you still managed to make your mark on my heart, though you only stuck around for such a short amount of time. I wanted to end on a good note so we would have an opportunity to restart later on, but you had other plans because your mind was elsewhere like always. I wasn't ready to give you up. I still feel like we haven't reached our end. It's still silly, like it has always been.
I don't know what will happen next year when I see you again. I don't know where I will be. I don't know what you will want. I don't know what I want, even now. I don't know if anything will come of us. I don't know what I'm hoping for. I don't know if we are already gone for good. I don't know how naive I'm being about all of this. I don't know what you're thinking or feeling. I don't know why I still care about you so much. I don't know what your intentions were at the start or what they are now or what they will be. I don't know if you still think about kissing me. I don't know if you still think about the way you would look at my hair in class. All I know is you're something. And I like that. A lot.

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

I Didn't Mean to Break Your Heart

Renaissance Man, I'm sorry your heart is broken
From words between us that weren't spoken
I know it's my fault your love had to shatter
So I promise I won't ask you what's the matter
I'm trying to be fair to you and give you your space
Since I realize approaching you is not in my place
I know you really cared about me as I did for you
Don't think this was what I wanted to put you through
I still believe we were on the same wavelength
But in certain ways it faltered in its strength
You pictured us together without any doubt
Imagining a future that I wasn't sure about
I couldn't help but be hesitant about this
But now it's your presence that I really do miss
I wish you and I hadn't ended up this way
And I hope we will talk just like before some day
I'm so sorry that we ended before we could start
Renaissance Man, I didn't mean to break your heart

Friday, May 9, 2014

We Knew

We knew this could only be a fling
We knew that we weren't going anywhere
We knew we only had until the end of the year
We knew that this was just for fun
We knew our kisses were temporary
We knew it was just pretend
We knew we had to protect our hearts
We knew we had chemistry
We knew there was something there
We knew we had feelings for each other
We knew the goodbye would be hard
I didn't know my heart would ache this much

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Snowball's Freshman Year

My stuffed animal cat Snowball came with me to college. Snowball and I were both pretty innocent entering my freshman year of college. Throughout the year, she has sat on a shelf above my bed, silently watching the activity in my dorm room. I think this had been the craziest year we have ever lived through together. We thought that it would have been hard to live away from home for the first time, but we were lucky enough to develop an amazing support system extremely quickly. The things that Snowball has seen this year has caused her to experience new growth as a stuffed animal; she has experienced all kinds of passages of freshman year. Through me, she has had to cope with many forms of stress. She has fallen in love and has had her heart broken. She has had anxiety about being in a new place with new people. She has been frustrated from standing outside because of a fire drill. She has cried from being homesick with only me to comfort her.  She has been involved in various flirtationships with boys she knew were not her prince charming. She has taken plenty of naps so she could make it through the day. She was indecisive as a boy patiently waited for her to tell him if she wanted him. She pulled plenty of all-nighters when big papers were to be done. She took time to think about difficult decisions about life. She meditated with me when predicaments became too overwhelming. She got ready for her first college parties and ate too many pieces of pizza after a late night. She engaged in long deep conversations and took down a few of her walls. She has had plenty of awkward moments that she can now laugh about. She has spent hours procrastinating on work but never missed any of her classes. She has made amazing lifelong friends that she knows she will miss dearly over summer vacation. She has realized who she is and what makes her identity special. I don't think Snowball could have had a better freshman year and she is ready to make the next three years just as spectacular.

Friday, May 2, 2014

Flower Power





Shirt: Thrifted
Jeans: American Eagle
Shoes: Capelli
Necklace: JewelMint