Days Like These

Make my heart race faster and faster
Days like these
make me feel like I should have someone here with me
Days like these
make me wish all my conflicts were over
Days like these
make me wish things were different
like I was a different person
like my name wasn't my name
like I was born in a different time
like all this stress never even existed
like things could be simpler
like things didn't happen
like I could just sit in a white box all day
like my thoughts would stop
and my mind would be clear
Days like these
I don't like very much.

I Finally Understand You

To whom it may concern:
You are authentic.
You are kind.
You are compassionate.
You are trustworthy.
Genuine.
Open-minded.
Individualistic.
Accepting.
Self-aware.
Passionate.
Caring.
And loyal.
Intoxicating.
Intuitive.
And a little stubborn sometimes because I'm too realistic.
You try to understand the world and others.
You put others before yourself.
You will go far and you will make such a difference in the world.
You make people happy.
You made me happy.
I loved us.
I enjoyed getting to know you.
It doesn't matter that things became hazy.
Very few people challenge me and no one challenged me like you.
I respected you for disagreeing with me since it rarely happens.
I was sure about us, and I thought it through so you wouldn't have to.
I threw away my fears.
You let your fears get in the way.
Your fears hold you back, you know.
You made us bad to ensure this self-fulfilled prophecy of distrust.
To pretend that we wouldn't work.
That's okay even though it's not okay.
Self-awareness should help you make the changes to better yourself.
But you know this, so go ahead and do it.
You looked for the negative to protect yourself.
You can blame me so you don't have to blame yourself if you want.
Avoidance is what you're good at but is it good for you?
Maybe you shouldn't hesitate because sometimes your love won't wait for anyone.
Sometimes I wish that time would have stood still for you.
Time always seems to run out.
Things that are worth it, are worth working for.
But do not try if they are not.
I could have helped you and I am still willing.
Who you are, who you really are, does not phase me or us or anyone.
I finally figured you out, the person you are.
Nothing scares me about you, your words and actions are no exception.
You peeled away a few layers of mine, more than anyone else has.
You were starting to understand me.
I am accepting of you, not judging.
I understand and would never sprinkle the glass of rejection.
I will accept you and anyone in the future will also if your pages are completely opened.
You go where life takes you but you were too afraid this time.
I did not mean to criticize you and I know you feel the same.
Missteps happen and learning from them is beautiful, really.
I'm good at cutting people off, but this does not mean I never cared.
You have opportunities to grow from, and they help your understanding of yourself and the world.
Life goes on.
As it should.
Because life happened.
But, because of you, I have become a better person.
I just thought I would let you know.

The End

I knew it was coming
It was time
I wanted an end
I didn't want an end
But I was waiting for it
It came so slowly
It came so quickly
I was ready
But can you ever be ready
It ended before it began
It was lost before it was real
It dragged on
The End.

I fell in love
But it did not last
Now my heart breaks
And I sigh
For I lost something
I never knew I had
The End.

I have changed
but I am still the same
The world is the same
but I am not
It used to be easy
when I was so naive
Will this happen again
This pain
and woe
My heart is so small
but also so large
It is missing chunks
and needles make do
while pricking my soul
The End.

He had all these faults
but I didn't care
He made all these mistakes
but he was still perfect
It was endearing when he
did wrong unto me
I relished in the red anger
he brought to my cheeks
He made me sad
but he didn't mean it
Because I'm sure Prince Charming
has made Cinderella cry
The End.

Here we are
at the end
I didn't know
it would be here so soon
Welcome
The End.

20 Things I Realized From Going Home

This past weekend, I was able to go home for a few days after being away at school since August, and it made me realize a few things:
1.) I have a great support system at home.
2.) Things change quickly.
3.) Some things never change.
4.) I have amazing friends at school.
5.) I have the best parents and brothers a girl could ask for.
6.) It's important to enjoy the little things.
7.) I stress out about the silliest things sometimes.
8.) I always overpack.
9.) There's nothing wrong with looking weak once in a while.
10.) I'm not the same person I was in high school.
11.) I have a lot to offer the world.
12.) It's important to work hard now so I can be successful in the future.
13.) I'm a lot like my family and I'm proud of that.
14.) I have a very high self esteem.
15.) I am most definitely a cat person.
16.) My school is my second home.
17.) I'm proud of where I come from.
18.) Mama knows best.
19.) I'm at a very good place in my life.
20.) There's no place like home.

My Rendition Of 10 Things I Hate About You

I hate the way you disagreed with me
and the way you stared into my eyes.
I hate when you opened me up.
I hate it when you told me lies.
I hate how you giggled with me
when you gently moved hair from my face.
I hate when you were winning the game
like our relationship was a race.
I hate the way you wouldn't focus
when I had to say something vital.
I hate it when you didn't text me back
but when I did you felt entitled.
I hate the way you broke my heart
and acted like you didn't care.
I hate how you didn't want to be with me
even though you said we're the perfect pair.
I hate that you still won't look at me
even though you're always near.
I hate how you made me so happy
but was the cause of all my tears.
I hate how you made me hate you
and how I know I really shouldn't.
I hate how you did want to do it
it's just that you actually couldn't.
I hate how you're making me move on
even though you felt something too.
I hate how you'll always be in my heart
and eventually I'll have to stop hating you.

I Am Not Even Aware

of myself and my feelings.
of my soul and my dealings.
of my heart and my pleadings.
of my tears and my bleedings.
of my hurt and my loathings.
of my fears and my closings.
of my mind and my mournings.
of my being and my yearnings.
of my confusion and my weepings.
of my sureness and my keepings.
of my chances and my doings.
of my life and my losings.
of my mistakes and my endings.
of my memory and my mendings.
I am aware of
of my recovery and my beginnings.

My Heart Hurts

There is an eternal aching in my chest

that I wish would just disappear.

I waited too long to tell him how I feel

and now my hurt soul I cannot bear.

I am sure I missed his hints earlier on

and now my hints do not matter as he is gone.
The tears are building up behind my eyes
though my dry lids will never ask any whys.
If only I knew what to do
in a situation I have no clue.
I can try to mend and tell him what my feelings are
though his feelings may not be the same.
But my feelings are not used to being so far
and become lost in space they may.
I jokingly said that I was secretly in love with him
but a joke it definitely was not.
A journey is to be continued
for a conclusion has not been brought.

And now I finally told him how I felt
and he too had feelings for I.
But he did not exactly reciprocate
what I truly felt inside.
He told me we would not be
anything but a crush.
If things were different we would be
happily ever after he knows as much.
I dreamed we would be
and we would love.
I imagined how we'd laugh
and giggle and smile all of.
I did not think it would end this way
when we knew we should be together.
It's hard to keep these feelings at bay
because it will be hard to find another.
I think I was a few days too late
but I couldn't have done it sooner.
My heart he did break
but I know I will recover.