that poem i wrote for you before

i never really shared
my poetry with you
it never felt right
it never felt like you
deserved to see that
part of my soul
besides that one
curated and guarded
poem that i wrote
knowing you would
read it one day

when i truly love
someone i will know
when i can share
that piece of my
soul with them
wholly and fully
without hesitation
without feeling vulnerable
without feeling like
i have to give a
disclaimer like how
i always had to do
when i was with you

you never understood me
you never tried to
even when i gave you
an explanation
you still took things
the wrong way
i couldnt be vulnerable
with you
you had an edited
version of me
filtered to avoid
judgement just like
that one single
poem i gave you

thank u, next

justin was unstable
and couldnt decide
how to have one love
or say how he felt

andrew wasnt right
and i tried to make it work
with deep conversations
but it couldnt last

ryan shouldve stayed in line
only loved him
like a friend
no matter how hard i tried

connor was a firework
the first one i truly loved
will always love him
but dont miss silence

jordan was a child
it shouldve ended earlier
never felt the love
i was supposed to feel

thank u, next.

far away distance

far away distance
not enough
to keep me from
thinking about you

but a twist and a turn
sharp and sudden
didnt see it coming
im as shocked as you

who knew
that something silly
could fix my heart
from yearning for you

a ridiculous boy
who never deserved me
made me realize
i also dont need you

last act of service

Know this,
I do not think I owe you
this explanation.
I do not think I owe you anything,
for that matter.
I am giving you this closure
for the sake of
empathy and moral goodness.
Though, I know that is something
I rarely experienced from you.
Writing this letter will be
my last act of service
for the sake of
you and the relationship.

As your last act of service
for the relationship and for me,
please do not contact me again.

found poetry

i finally found poetry
in you
after all this time
a year together
wasnt enough
until it was over

that last kiss
holding each other
before we ended
knowing it felt different
knowing it didnt feel right
it wasnt comfortable
and safe
like the ones before

i knew we had to kill
the label between us
so i could be free
and find my way again
and rediscover my poetry