My First Month Of College

I have been at my university for about a month now and I would like to reflect on my time here. The biggest thing I have realized about college is that everything moves incredibly fast. The classes move fast, friendships move faster, and relationships move fastest, but somehow I manage to keep up. I have the best roommate in the world. We get along really well and we are always on the same page. I go to her for advice because she will always give me an honest response, which has much value. I made a great friend who reminds me to not take things too seriously. We have a lot of the same interests and I'm so comfortable around her already, so it's okay to act like my weird self because she's weird too. Needless to say, I found a best friend in her already, surprisingly enough. And of course, there is a boy who drives me nuts. I hate him for how he makes me feel and I don't know where it is going, if anywhere, but I guess that's supposed to be the fun of it. I am blindly navigating my way through the pits of a crush that I have no real use for, and I am longingly waiting for a resolution to this drawn-out saga. On a more positive note, I love living in the dorms. I was wary of what it would be like to live on a floor of all females but it really is so much better than I thought. Every night is like a little slumber party and the late night gossip and giggles make the stress of college feel less of an overload. I'm surprised by the bonds I have developed. I enjoy my classes for the most part and I have been doing exceptionally well in all of them. Because of my major, I must do a lot of writing which is time consuming, but I am normally interested in the subject, so it is quite enjoyable. My favorite part of college, though, is picking out my outfit every day and giving fashion advice to my friends in my dorm. Also, doing my hair and makeup is so much fun. Everyone thinks I'm super girly because I basically play dress up in the morning, which is admittedly true. I am really looking forward to doing plenty of fashion posts when I have more time. Overall, I am extremely happy here. Actually, I am the happiest I have ever been. It is truly amazing how much I have grown and changed since I have been here, albeit only a month.

My roommate and I!

Did I Misread The Signs?

I always thought boys were supposed to be uncomplicated compared to their female counterparts, but it's not true at all. One minute we're giggling and having a great time and the next minute he barely even says hello. And then we have a deep conversation and a day later he doesn't even want to ask me how I am.We spend the whole day together and then he goes off without saying goodbye. And then the next day I have to wonder if  he'll even look me in the eye. He can at least try to be consistent. I have been treating him the same way. I'm not the problem, he is. And it's annoying for me because I get it in my head that it's going nowhere but then, there he goes again, and I have to change my mindset for the hundredth time in an hour. He makes it obvious that he likes me but then he (jokingly?) tries to set me up with another guy. I don't know what he wants. And then he tells me an adorable story or says something so nice and it makes me irritated, because I don't want to smile and giggle when I think of him. It's cutting into my academic life. It's making the rest of my life confusing. Why am I putting up with this? The funny things is that everyone else is enjoying this little roller coaster because of how hilariously ridiculous it is. I feel like such a stupid girl. I'm done. I'm not going to try anymore. I don't understand why we can't just be completely upfront with each other. I have been trying to figure him out for weeks now and I am completely stumped. The real kicker is that he isn't a jerk at all, he's extremely nice and caring, and I'm pretty sure he isn't doing these things on purpose. But then again, maybe he is playing games with me, in which case, I'll play the game and I'll win. The thing is, I don't even know what he's thinking. Maybe he is just being friendly and I have everything all wrong. Did I misread the signs?

A Tea Party In My Head

Sometimes I have a tea party in my head

The guests come when all is said

The guests come with invite in hand

Flowers on tables where butterflies land

Colorful pastries so everyone is well fed

This is what happens at a tea party in my head

We drink tea and eat crumpets

We eat scones and hear trumpets

My guests laugh and tell stories

of days when we were all in our glories

We pour tea from a kettle spout

Until we run out of things to talk about

Alas when the tea gets cold

The guests must leave as I am told

I forget sometimes of what I just led

For it was just a tea party in my head

How Quickly Things Change

How quickly things change
All was well when everything was in range
One little move or one little word
Can make you lose something you didn't deserve
How quickly things change and turn to muck
A good thing lasts until a bad rut
Its my fault and my guilt to hold
It is so much more than me being too bold
The loss I feel is just too much
When all I want back is that friendly touch
How quickly things change when all was smooth
But at some point it stops the flowing groove
I really do think it is somewhat strange
How quickly some things tend to change

College Bound Tomorrow

I start a new chapter of my life tomorrow. It is move-in day for freshmen at my university. This is going to be my first time living away from home. Am I freaking out a little? Yes. Am I going to tell anyone that tomorrow? Probably not. I realize that freaking out is not going to help anything, and this rational thinking does make me feel better but there is still that little layer of anxiety making a home for itself inside me, causing an aching in my chest. It is like I have one more day to live and today is that day. I already made quite a few friends at orientation, and I look forward to seeing them, but there will still be a lot of people I do not know. It is definitely going to be an adventure for me. Luckily, my brother is a year ahead of me and will be moving in on Saturday along with the rest of the student body so tomorrow will not be goodbye quite yet. Also, my university has a program to keep the freshmen busy so we will not have time to feel homesick. As of right now I feel like I am forgetting something, though I am sure I am over-packing. It kind of feels like I am not even leaving, like it has not hit me yet or something. Today I spent the day seeing The Mortal Instruments movie and getting fro yo and Taco Bell with Jordan, hanging out with my wonderful family in the evening, calling my amazing grandparents to tell them goodbye, doing last minute packing, and trying to give as many kisses to Ushi as possible. I do not feel like I can say that I am not ready for tomorrow because I have had more than enough time to prepare, and obviously going away to college is the next logical step in my life. But I can honestly say that I do feel ready even when the anxiety comes in waves.
I am going to try to continue working on this blog, but I do not know what a typical week for me will be like this school year until I actually experience it. But I will try to keep everyone updated as much as I can!
P.S. On Friday I am planning on having a post on what I wore on move-in day!