While You Were Asleep

I am still awake. 2 am. I lay on the couch. I am too tired to sleep. I may even start to hallucinate (again). Images run back and forth past my face as I lay like a vegetable. The only movement is the occasional but slow blink of my eyes. I am not miserable because I am so beyond any emotion. I am too far gone. Will I ever feel better again? Will I always feel like this? 3 am. I feel sick. I should probably drink some water. I think I am drooling a little. I am too cold. I am too hot. I should take my contacts out. 4 am. How long will this last? 5 am. I do not want to be here. 6 am. The sun comes up. I guess I will not be sleeping at all tonight. The sunrise would be really beautiful if it did not make me feel so nauseous. I cannot do this. My vision is blurry. I do not think I am supposed to see those colors. 7 am. I want to eat. I do not have an appetite. There is a huge bug on the floor. I do not care. I need a shower. I wonder if this is what it feels like to be homeless. I could do something productive but why bother? Even if I wanted to I would not be able to. I really should not be operating a vehicle any time soon. I might even start getting paranoid about murderers lurking outside my window. Not that I would do anything about it because I am too tired. I would let myself get murdered if I did not have to do anything. I would want to go home but I am already home. It does not feel like home. I wish I was normal. I wish I was not so miserable. Am I happy with my life? I do not remember. I may be dreaming, though I am awake. I do not want to be awake. My heart is beating so fast and so slow at the same time. How long have I been in this position? I think I am going crazy. While you were asleep, I was slowly dying from sleep deprivation. In case you were wondering.